I spent 2 weeks doing absolutely nothing.
[Strap in, this is a long one. There’s a TL;DR at the end]
I’ve come to realize…
After working 12+ hours/day from Mumbai, with a bizarre schedule of 6 pm to 7 am (sometimes 8 am), and having zero social life, I was incredibly burnt out. I was stuck in Mumbai because my passport was being renewed (took 6+ months).
It was the best thing that happened to me in the past two years.
It made me truly question why I was doing what I was doing, and the nature of my goals and ambitions. Why was I spending 72 hours a week, burning the candle on both ends, to help someone else set up their business? To execute someone else’s vision when I have my own ambitions? I found myself not feeling content.
Plus, my business partner at that time did something that shook the confidence in our relationship to its core. The burnout, feeling unfulfilled, and breach of trust were the perfect trifecta.
I called off the partnership and decided it was time for a break from the hamster wheel.
The burnout allowed me to step back and take a look at what I was doing with my life. The questioning gave me a glimpse of my true goals and ambitions—things I truly care about. A peek at things I would find peace and contentment doing.
So I decided to step away from the hustle-bustle of Mumbai… away from meddling parental influence and the sweltering Mumbai heat.
I hopped on a flight to Nepal.
The plan was simple: fly to Kathmandu (crowded like Mumbai, but cold) and take the first bus to Pokhara (temperate and village vibes with mountains and lakes). I brought with me a few books—Think Like a Monk, The Sirens of Titan, Mahabharat, Bhagavad Gita, Tribe of Mentors… to read and reflect inwards. To understand myself better.
I had one goal—to do fucking nothing for 2 weeks. (and I did exactly that. I haven’t finished a single book at the time of this writing)
I ended up meeting a few cool people during my trip so far. I’m writing this from a cafe in Pokhara (5th Street Coffee, highly recommend!).
I met a few people. Here are some who I found remarkable:
- A 60-year-old Dutch retiree who worked in environment policy for over 3 decades
- A 30-year-old ex-US Army soldier, who now does social work in Berlin
- A 24-year-old Nepali boatsman who helped me cross the Phewa Lake
- A 20-year-old Dutch girl who was exploring the world before deciding to go to college (which is free btw)
- A 34-year-old Indian CPA who used to work on Wall St. before returning home to his parents
Each of them taught me things about myself, about the human condition, and about life.
Here are the wisdom, truths, and humbling lessons I have learned in these past few days.
1. Location location location
The places I spend time in significantly impact my mood, psyche, and daily outlook.
In Mumbai, I always felt the need to go-go-go. The immense population of Mumbai results in an incredibly competitive environment that’s reflected in day-to-day life (see Mumbai traffic for example—everybody trying to get to their destination ASAP, with no regard for rules and safety).
In Pokhara, I feel the opposite. I find myself wanting to spend hours at a cafe or by the lakeside, reading, chatting with people, or doing simply nothing. Nepal is a poor country, but unlike Mumbai, the people have a relaxed attitude that seeped into me like osmosis.
In Singapore, I felt inspired to find material comfort—to make money my objective.
In Brazil, I felt the competition—to do everything in my power to have more stability.
In Bogota, I found myself enjoying the people and a moderately paced life.
This applies at the micro scale as well:
- If I’m working from home, I feel a bit claustrophobic, which is reflected in the way I do work (stress-fueled, non-stop pushing myself to get everything done). My outlook has become stress-driven.
- If I’m at a cafe, office, or coworking space, I’m more relaxed, but also more focused. Outlook becomes positive and collaborative.
- If I’m at a park with a book or empty-handed, I find myself in a deep-think mode. This is where my life strategy happens, so to speak.
This realization only occurred to me after taking time off and stepping back a bit. It will be pivotal to managing my stress, mood, and outlook on a macro and micro level.
2. Doing A 180° is OKAY
“Have you tried the Cola Coffee here?”, Tyler said. He’s the ex-US Army guy I mentioned. I hadn’t and neither had he, so we got a cup each. It was… something, but I enjoyed it.
I told him I was on a break in Nepal, trying to learn more about myself and my next move in life.
“Whatever you do, don’t join the army”, he said to me.
This was interesting—I don’t plan on joining the army, but I did consider it at one point when I was younger.
He had joined the US Army because it paid for his education, but he hates the military-industrial complex. “If I were to start over, I wouldn’t do it even though it saved me 100s of thousands of dollars in tuition.”
Tyler is now a social worker in Berlin.
Which surprised me. That’s a complete 180—from violence to helping others. What gives?
He discovered he valued community service. It gave him a sense of peace and meaning. He found his dharma or Ikigai—and even though it is very different from what he did for almost a decade, he took the opportunity to do what he loves and ran with it.
My takeaway from Tyler is to find what I value in life and make it my core modus operandi. Even if it is in total contradiction to everything I have done in life.
Inner peace and meaning above optics and all else.
3. Education Leads To Freedom Of Thought And Possibilities
Now, this might be an obvious lesson to most, but I sometimes find it is good to remind myself of obvious lessons.
“Why don’t you get married? You should get married!”, said Dep while he rowed the boat. Dep was the 24-year-old boatsman who was helping me cross the Phewa Lake. I wanted to hike up a hill to see The World Peace Stupa at the peak.
“I’m not sure… I don’t know if I ever want to get married”, I said. “You don’t want kids?”, he replied. “No, I think kids are expensive and limit the freedoms I enjoy”
“But kids aren’t expensive. My son will be old enough in a few years to get a boat of his own and make money like I do.”
WOW, I thought.
The implications of what he said hit me like a brick wall. What he said was easy to judge, ignore, and look past. But the “why” behind why he said it shook me a little bit.
Dep couldn’t fathom a life beyond boating. He couldn’t see his son doing anything else—which is fine if he’s happy doing it, but he wasn’t happy. Before this topic came up, he spent 10+ minutes complaining about his poor work conditions and pay.
But it wasn’t entirely his fault. He never got past 4th grade in school because he had to help his family earn money. And now the cycle continues.
This interaction made me realize how privileged I am to have received a formal education. How it enabled me to explore opportunities that I wouldn’t even dream of otherwise. It humbled me and drew my attention to never stop learning and stagnating; but at the same time knowing when to curb ambition once peace is attained.
3. Identify Social Pressure, And Push Back
“I don’t know what I’m doing in Nepal”, I said to Eline when she asked me what brought me to Nepal.
“That’s cool, I don’t either. I’m taking a couple of years off before I go to college. I want to see the world and experience a bit of life before I decide what I want to pursue.” This 20-year-old was a smart cookie.
I wish I had done that when I finished high school.
We put a lot of pressure on 18-year-olds. You go from 18 years of having little to no agency over your life straight to deciding what you want to do for the rest of your life. I never even considered taking time off to see what’s out there before committing to college—because it was decided for me by my parents, friends, and society at large.
I’m Indian, so my choice was between becoming a doctor or an engineer. There is no other option. It’s a tale as old as time.
And even though I wasn’t explicitly pressured to pick either of the options, the parental and social expectations are implicit and difficult to identify. And you can’t push back against something you don’t know exists.
This applies to adults too—social status, materialism, chasing impressive-sounding titles—we face social pressure daily, but rarely ever identify it for what it is.
- Saying yes to a party you don’t want to go to
- Tipping at restaurants (this is complicated, but social pressure plays a big role)
- Experimenting with drugs before you feel ready
- Wanting to make a bajillion dollars because your neighbor Noah is doing it
- Et Cetera
I’ve become better at identifying the social pressures I face daily, but this interaction with Eline served as a good reminder that resonated with me deeply.
5. Challenge The Cultural Status Quo
I was getting ready for bed at my hostel in Kathmandu when a dude struck up a conversation with me. He was 34, had worked as an investment banker on Wall St., and was now a CPA in Mumbai at a large bank.
He is an avid hiker, has a son, and recently went through a divorce. I felt the need to ask him for the one thing he’s learned in life.
“What wisdom do you have for me?” I asked him point-blank, half an hour into our conversation.
“Learn to identify when a status quo needs to be challenged, and then challenge it.”
“Cool”, I thought.
6 hours into my 11-hour bus ride to Pokhara it finally sunk in. I am where I am today because I challenged the status quo.
- I was the first person in a 500-person company to push for 100% remote work—and I got it
- “Remote? Why? We’ve always worked from the office”
- When my US visa expired, I pushed to work remotely from other countries.
- The usual course of action would be to either get a master’s degree to extend my US visa or return to India. Challenging the status quo allowed me to travel across South America, something I couldn’t have dreamed of if I hadn’t.
- When I realized my career was getting stale and I didn’t see a possibility for much growth, I pushed myself and switched my career from engineering sales to marketing and sales.
I am currently challenging the general motions of going to college, getting a job, getting married, having kids, and working for the rest of my life (I think I’m winning).
It’s such a simple lesson, but the impact is enormous—challenge the status quo.
6. Old Man Wisdom
One afternoon, I was chilling by the lake when an old man with a bruised eye socket said “Namaste” to me. Wim was bird-watching and capturing moments with his fancy camera—hence the bruise. We talked for a few and I proposed to meet for dinner later.
I’m super glad I did because I got a bunch of wisdom. And there is no wisdom like old man wisdom.
Wim you rock!
Be mindful of your environment
He’s an environmental biologist, which means he has a unique lens through which he views life. It was fascinating to see this new perspective.
Every action we take is, at its core, driven by biological and environmental pressures. The obvious ones are obvious—eating, drinking, sleeping, sex, taking a stinky dump, you know them all. But other, higher-level actions are also driven by biological and environmental pressures.
The difference in culture between Africa and Europe for example. Europe has winter, which means for half the year there is no food production. To survive, Europeans had to work hard during the warmer months to secure enough food to last them through the year. This resulted in a culture that rewarded hard work and innovation. Additionally, winter meant people spent a lot of time indoors with nothing to do, enabling critical thinking and technological innovation.
Biological needs paired with environmental factors.
In contrast, much of the historically populated regions in Africa are tropical—meaning food is available year-round, and there is no need to work hard to secure food. So a culture that rewards working hard isn’t prevalent in Africa. This is partly the reason why Europe saw technological advancement even though humans originated in Africa.
The same biological needs paired with different environmental factors—leading to a much different outcome.
If your environment doesn’t pressure you in a particular direction, you’ll have a smaller drive to pursue that direction. This is super apparent in modern-day environments. There’s a reason places like Los Angeles, San Francisco, Wall St., etc. exist—in addition to the network, they provide an environmental pressure that cannot be found in other places.
I will be much more mindful of what environments I’m spending time in moving forward.
We Are All Driven By Fear. Know Your Fears And Control Your Actions
At the center of every significant decision lies fear.
- Why accept a job that pays little?
- Because you’re afraid to end up on the streets
- Why continue dating a person you don’t see a future with?
- Because you are afraid to be alone
- Why walk to your flight gate hours before it opens?
- Because you’re afraid of missing your flight
The examples are endless.
What is important is that you know your fears and understand the reason behind your actions. When you know your fears, you can control how you act. Knowing your fear may or may not change the decisions you make, but it will allow you to take confident action without stressing yourself out.
For example, if you’re afraid you’re never going to be able to afford a house, you can either:
- Panic and stress out about it, act in a frenzy and feel defeated
- OR
- You can recognize your fear of never being able to own a home, then take the best course of action to put you in a position to be able to afford one.
The difference between the options is simply acknowledging your fear, respecting it for what it is, and then taking the best course of action. This eliminates much of the misery we face in life.
“Fear is the smoke alarm, not the fire itself.”
A Lot Of The World’s Misery Is Caused By Bad Parenting
Parents are human beings. And every human being makes mistakes.
But when those mistakes affect young, impressionable minds, the effects multiply a thousandfold.
Take the time to think about your biggest personal problem (see: fear) right now and try to find out it’s root cause. Keep asking why, why, why to get to the base of the fear. You’ll likely find your parents somewhere in the line of self-questioning.
I don’t plan on having kids, but if you’re a parent or plan to be one: please be mindful that everything you do as a parent has an impact on your kids.
You Will Meet Bad Actors In Life—Learn To Identify Them And How To Deal With Them
In my experience, 99.9% of the people I have met are genuinely kind and wish the best for me. But every so often you’re going to come across people whose interests lie against yours. And that’s okay, that’s a part of life.
They are not necessarily evil, but they do negatively impact you. Learn about their motivations and drivers and try to negotiate away or minimize the negative impact they have on you.
If that fails, sooner or later, you’re going to end up in a conflict. You need to be ready for this conflict. And the first step to being ready is to know thy enemy—identify the bad actors before you’re in conflict.
I wish I could share an example to drive this point home—but I try to avoid bad-mouthing when I can.
Plus my coffee has long run out.
Trust me, bro.
Do What Brings You Joy—Life Is Too Short
This has kind of been a recurring theme in this essay. It’s obvious, but hearing it from someone much older and wiser hits different.
If you’re not joyous in life, what the hell is the point?
Try to learn what brings you joy (the hard part), and then do it (the less hard part).
I’ve been living the hard part these past few weeks, but I see light at the end of the tunnel.
If you’re in the same boat as me, keep going—we’ll find it!
If you read all that word vomit, I thank you deeply.
If you’re tempted to tl;dr, no worries, I gotchu:
TL;DR
- Your location has a significant impact on your outlook, mental health, drive, and the ability to achieve your goals
- Education is important. Don’t stop learning. It opens doors and possibilities previously beyond reach
- Identify social pressure, and don’t be afraid to fight back
- Challenge the status quo—it is almost always worth it
- Listen to what old men have to say—they’re wise
- We are products of biology and the environment
- We are largely driven by fear. Know it and embrace it
- Bad parenting is often the root of issues we face as adults. Break the cycle of bad parenting
- Bad people exist—identify them and know how to deal
- Do what makes you happy—YOLO