As this decade has progressed and I’ve aged more (27 as of today 🤢), I’ve come to realize a few truths about life and myself.
These are things that are not taught and society never expects you to really understand and internalize. A distant part in us all suspects these things to be true (rings true for me at least). But we run with Ignorance is bliss or It izz what it izz, because well… life is significantly easier to cope with a touch of ignorance, and it is what it is.
Those who go through some form of life-altering hardship and come out the other side being better for it—they might get to experience life for what it is; those who don’t get the opportunity to do that miss out on crucial internal reflection which cannot be attained any other way.
Merit Gets You Ahead
False. It’s always been about who you know more than what you know. More specifically, it’s actually about who likes you and what they stand to gain by associating with you.
Although everyone says “Yes yes I know it’s always been that way…”, I only know a handful of people who have taken it to heart and acted upon it.
Growing up, I was handed a lifetime subscription to the “merit trumps” dogma. But knowing what I know now, given how widely this is accepted, it’s borderline farcical at best, and a dangerous lie at worst.
But society needs this lie for it to function lest the underprivileged learn that there is no cure to lack of privilege.
Saying/Hearing “No”
What an incredible privilege it is to be able to say “no” and to be able to hear a “no”.
The former saves you anguish and the latter saves you time—incredible.
Talking more about this would be to beat a dead horse. See The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck and Getting To Yes if you haven’t abused this horse yet.
Understanding Your Values
“You get a good job with more pay and you’re okay”
Making money, and getting rich can not be your core value. You’ll realize this sooner or later.
This is another horse from the same race that has been beaten to death by everybody. But it’s near impossible to grasp it’s true meaning unless you’ve raced with the horse, gotten off, and stabbed at it with your own hands.
To put it vaguely, values are things you care about at your core self. To put it slightly less vaguely, you find something valuable when you find a deep sense of joy when you indulge in it.
I’ve been trying to find my values for years and only recently saw a glimpse of a couple, and threw my first punch at the horse. (yes I’m continuing the analogy because what are you going to do to stop me?)
Find yo values
Knowing What You’re Afraid Of
Unlike something tangible like a horse (ok I’ll stop), fear is like carbon monoxide—it’s got no smell, you can’t see it, and if you don’t acknowledge it for long, you’ll succumb to it without even knowing; no beating required (unlike the horse)((okay last one, I promise)).
In the words of the great Penne Gesserit “Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.”
I am motivated by my values and my fears, and just as I should know my values, I need to know my fears even more because they are much much stronger and invisible. And in most cases, irrational.
If you are your own enemy, and fear is actively working to stop you at every turn, fear is your ultimate enemy.
Know thy enemy fear.
Tomorrow May Be Too Late
Life is too short:
- Find out what you want to do
- Do it
Now I don’t mean to say YOLO—but you do only live once.
All I want to say here is: everyone has things they want to do, but are limited by resources, societal expectations, or worse, self-limiting beliefs.
I know I will have to make compromises and sacrifices, and it might suck. But I’d rather compromise on luxuries than muffle my inner voice shouting out what makes me truly happy.
Every future moment is uncertain—one minute you’re chilling and the next, you might have a stroke.
Or you might fall off your horse and it might beat you to death (ok I’m done).